What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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