2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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