Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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