My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
tell me about the fingering
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