Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
