I need help removing her.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize