If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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