I met the friendliest cop last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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