when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
