If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
