The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
