Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
