Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
