singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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