we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
