awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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