it wasn't lemon gatorade
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
