I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
