Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
