we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
