when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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