Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You are a genius and a whore.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
