I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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