I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
