So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize