It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
