i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
