I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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