is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
