whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
