There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
