if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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