After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
