Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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