I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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