First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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