Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is it penis luge time yet?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
