how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
