the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Someone came in the potted fern
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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