Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
