Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
