We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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