eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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