I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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