don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
