yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You are the jesus of drinking
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
