new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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