it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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