Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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