It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
