If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
