life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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