Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
