just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
