You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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