How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
