Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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