If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
