You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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