Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
