and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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