I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
