The maid of honor just puked.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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