Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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